


A Poor Man's Mantra

by HelloTragic



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-10 00:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20518670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloTragic/pseuds/HelloTragic
Summary: Killian's life just isn't going to plan. A bad breakup and a demotion might actually be the least of his problems when he realizes that he's falling in love with his brother's new girlfriend.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> Originally based on this prompt:
> 
> "Au where Liam and Emma are roommates and Killian and Belle are roommates. Since neither Jones brother has a date for the family Christmas party, they bring Emma and Belle.
> 
> The fun starts when Liam lays eyes on Belle and Killian sees Emma and their jaws hit the floor. Cue both brothers whispering furiously to the other “Why didn’t you tell me your roommate was that gorgeous?”
> 
> But it took on a life of it's own and is not just a completely different thing...

‘Another day another dollar.’ Just a poor man’s mantra. At least it had been thirteen years ago when Killian Jones joined Her Majesty's Royal Navy on his sixteenth birthday. Back when he was just a stupid child. Before he even knew the difference between a mantra and an idiom. Before he’s brother had been honorably discharged. Before he knew the love of a woman, and how her loss could absolutely break him. He’d loved his mother of course, but losing her was nothing like Milah. The ache in his heart left gaping when she told him it was over. 

“Oi, you chatted up your brotha yet? I’m ready for me beauty sleep.”

Killian could only grunt as he stared at the blank document on his laptop. The blinking cursor mocking him.

Thirteen years of grit, determination, and blind loyalty gone in an instant. Thirteen years of working towards his ultimate goal gone in a flash. One ill placed fist in an admiral’s face had earned him an immediate three rank demotion from ship’s Captain to Lieutenant. He should have been thrilled to even still have a rank at all, he could have just as easily have ended up behind bars or kicked out with a dishonorable discharge to follow him until his dying days. But in that moment, it felt like a death sentence. 

He couldn’t even bring himself to tell Laim, the man he shared everything with. How could he possible ever admit that he’d been having an illicit affair with a superior, much less a married one? One that Liam himself had served with and never truly approved of. How could he possibly tell his perfect brother, the man that practically raised him, that taught him what it was to be a true gentleman, that he’d nearly thrown his career away in a drunken stupor. The humiliation of having to work on the same ship he once commanded was bad enough, but telling his brother would have killed him.

Instead, he closed the laptop and climbed into bed, listening as Will did the same. ‘Another day another dollar.’ He just kept having to remind himself of the phrase he used to repeat nightly when things were at their worst. We he was cleaning out toilets and scrubbing trash cans. 

_ Cheer up little brother. It won’t be like this forever. One day you’ll have a ship of your own and you’ll look back and remember this moment. You’ll understand what a great responsibility is it. And until then, if nothing else, just remember what our old American neighbor used to say to us with we’d finish caring for his garden: Another Day, Another Dollar. _

In their case, it had been a full day of backbreaking work with only one single pound coin for them to share, but it was the beginning of Liam’s work ethic. Something he’d tried to pass on to Killian and apparently failed at. _ He _was his brother’s only failure. 

Yet another reason he couldn’t bring himself to call his brother during his precious few days at port, and why he couldn’t bring himself to type those stupid words into an email. Not when a picture of his brother’s smiling face looked back at him on his homescreen. Not when his brother’s last email to him had been to tell him that he was engaged. Not when his brother’s life was perfect and his was in shambles.

As the light above Will’s bunk flickered off, Killian laid there, listening to the sounds of the ship they were on. He’d forgotten how different everything was in a room below water level. He could hear other crewmen walking around outside, could hear a toilet flushing down the hall. The knocking of the water pipes being used. Every little noise a stern reminder of how far he’d fallen. 

Even the start and stopping of his bunkmates breathing.

“Something on your mind over there, Scarlett?”

“I- Look, I just wanted to say that it isn’t as bad as you think it is.”

He scoffed, loudly.

“Sure it’s not. I’m sharing a room with a midshipman I told off quite publicly three weeks ago for sneaking scotch aboard my ship.”

“Misunderstandings aside, I just thought you oughta know that the men on this ship still respect you more than you know. Gold’s always been a prick and it’s a wonda that no one ever keeled him off before you.”

A prick was putting it mildly. There had been rumors for years that Gold was dirty, making deals with powerful men, promises that good men had died for, but up until he’d finally met the man in person, that’s all it had ever been. Rumors. And then the man appeared in his quarters, dressed in all of his official uniforms and medals, sneering at Killian. Goading him over Milah, and how she’d always choose herself over people that cared about her. That all it took was waving a new tropical assignment under her nose to get her to leave her _ newest _ rentboy. 

He tried to ignore him, but somewhere along the way that night, the rum and Gold’s insinuation got the best of him. And when he got out of the taxi, he marched right up to Gold’s door, rang the bell, and punched the man square in the face before walking back to his cab. He couldn’t even remember making it back to his room that night. He obviously had though if the men hauling him away the next morning had been any indication.

Gold had demanded his head. Wanted a full court martial but one of Killian’s old supervisors had been able to pull some strings. To keep it out of the headlines. His navy record simply reflected a breach of judgement warranting the demotion. 

“Aye, but it didn’t make what I did right.”

He could almost hear Will shrug from under his sheets, but Will didn’t say anything more and eventually drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Killian rose before his alarm had sounded, much as always and readied himself for the day, putting on his uniform, feeling the weight of the new insignia on his shoulder. He made his bed just as he always did, and with a few moments to spare before head to his duty station, he gave his email a quick glance. The bulk of it was junkmail but two lines from the top he read his brother’s name.

> **From: Liam Jones**
> 
> **Subject: We need to talk**

A sickening feeling came over him as he closed his computer once again and stowed it in his locker. He had waited too long and somehow his brother had found out from someone else. It shouldn’t have surprised him really. Liam was beloved and many of the men he served with still kept in touch with him. Killian was such a git. 

The rest of his day was spent in a haze, taking orders from the man they transferred aboard to replace him. He still commanded a small handful of men, but most of his day was spent in the engineering room. The sweltering heat making the day drag on far longer than his twelve hour shift should have felt. 

When he arrived back at his new room, he chose to skip dinner and instead to sink into his bed to finally face Liam’s email head on. He’d been dreading the thought of it all day, making himself too sick to even eat dinner. The email had moved down a few lines, buried under male enlargement junk mail gmail had failed to filter out, but the words still screamed out to him. 

Taking a deep breathe, he finally clicked, prepared for the worst. And the worst he got, or at least close to it. It wasn’t what he was expecting at all, but somehow he’d almost rather Liam heard about his indiscretions instead. Belle had left. They had irreconcilable differences, a term he didn’t even know could be used outside of a divorce court. Upon further reading, it became clear that the topic of children had been their undoing. Belle wanted them right away and Liam had always been skittish on that front. No one could blame him really. Not when their mother died and their father abandoned them as children shortly after because they were just too much work. Not when they bounced around from foster home to foster home until they were each old enough to join the Navy. 

To add insult to injury, he and Belle had recently purchased a large apartment together in Boston and now Liam had to solicit a flatmate to help share the expenses. Apparently his new tenant was a Boston PD cop, a transfer from somewhere in Maine. 

Killian was floored by the whole thing and had no idea what he could possibly say in an email to make any of it better. 

_ Oh, don’t worry, Liam. I’ve messed my life up far more than you have. _

That would have gone over quite well. Instead he typed up a simple response, a lie really, telling him that his ship was getting ready to depart so he didn’t have much time, but somehow everything would work itself out.

_ Coward. _

They really did leave port, a full day later and Killian spent the next six months much as he had those first three weeks. In the engineering room commanding his men. Commanding Captain Hood’s men really. He learned over that span of time that his new Captain was quite an honorable man. He took a no-nonsense approach with his position, much as Killian himself had, but the new Captain was much more relaxed, spending his down time getting to know and befriend the men aboard. They had a weekly poker game in the mess hall and all were invited. There was a monthly movie night in the makeshift chapel. Anything to boost morale. All of the things _ he _ should have done as a Captain. 

He learned a lot from the man in those six months. The only thing he hadn’t figured out was how to quash his own pride. The embarrassment of his demotion still lingering like trash that hadn’t been taken out. When they docked again, he found dozens of emails from Liam waiting for him. None of them mentioning the thing he most dreaded though.

Liam and his flatmate were getting on splendidly, although things seemed a bit rocky at first. His oldest emails were full of complaints about ES leaving dishes and clothes all over the apartment. ES happened to be a girl he learned in the third email, and she liked to eat all of the food in the fridge and never replaced it. 

At some point between the third and fifth emails though they two of them had worked out a system and things seemed to pick up from there. By email twenty two, Liam had started dating again, something ES insisted on, and by letter twenty four Liam had a girlfriend. His brother was a bit dodgy on the details, only that she grew up as a foster kid too and understood why things hadn’t worked out with Belle.

By email thirty three, Liam was completely smitten and using the word love. Killian was shocked. He and Milah had broken up right around the same time and he’d barely even given any thought to dating someone new, not when his heart still felt so raw. Of course, that also might have been due to the fact that he was surrounded by a large crew full of men, so there weren’t constant reminders of what he was missing walking around on the ship. 

They had four days at port before they shipped out again, and Will, who’d now become a trusted confidant or sorts, insisted that Killian at least chatted with his brother. Building all of his courage, Killian dressed in the few civilian clothes he had aboard the ship and left on a day pass, wandering around the city until he found a coffee shop with public wifi. 

He gave his watch a quick glance. It was just after noon, meaning that his brother would likely be getting ready for the day, and he couldn’t put off the call any longer. His finger lingered, hesitating only briefly before clicking the call button. The screen lit up as his brother’s face came into view, his surprise evident. But it wasn’t Liam’s face that caught his attention. No. It was the half dressed goddess in the background, the way the hem of her shirt peeking up enough to reveal her underwear as she reached above her head for a cereal bowl. Her long blonde hair cascading down her back in loose curls. Her porcelain legs on full display. She was an enchantress.

“Little brother? Are you there? I think the screen is frozen.”

Killian shook is head and felt his cheeks warm from the embarrassment of getting caught ogling the woman in Liam’s apartment. 

“It’s younger brother,” he gritted out. “And I think the connection in this coffee shop is just a bit spotty.”

“Coffee shop? Why aren’t you calling me from your quarters?”

“We just arrived in port last night so I granted myself some leave to stretch my legs.”

Liam gave him a quizzical look, as if he were trying to solve a puzzle. Liam knew him better than anyone. Killian didn’t take leave, not usually, not when there were supplies to restock and maintenance issues to tend to. 

“I think the bigger question is why is there a half dressed woman in your kitchen?”

Liam glanced behind him to the kitchen area and muddled a curse under his breath. 

“Emma, love, would you like to meet my brother?”

“What? Oh shit!” The speed with which she grabbed the cereal box off of the counter to cover herself would have been comedic if Killian hadn’t been so mesmerized by her. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t realize we had company. I’ll just, uh, go put some pants on.”

And with that she was out of the view of the camera, and Killian was left with his jaw nearly on the floor.

“Sorry about that. Emma is my flatmate, and we’ve become rather close since she moved in.”

And then it all made sense. Liam had a girlfriend, one he’d described in his emails as having English rose skin and hair as light as the sun itself. He should have expected it really. His brother was a catch. Why wouldn’t a beautiful woman want to be with him? Still, it did little to ease the pang he felt. His brother led an enchanted life, and it was just another reminder of how high the bar had been set, and how Killian would never be able to measure up. 

They spoke for a while longer, Emma coming out again fully dressed that time and talking to him for a few minutes as Liam finished getting ready. Killian learned that she was quick witted and had a lot of fire in her. The perfect match for his brother really. He watched as they discussed dinner plans and something in him longed for that type of intimacy. Even when he’d been with Milah, their time together was spent hidden away, just stolen moments. Nothing like what his brother had, not once, but twice now. 

Killian left Liam with the promise that he’d try to write more often, and that he’d call him again in a few months when they docked again. Liam never brought up mention of his demotion, but he had asked a number of questions about the ship, leaving Killian to wonder if he really didn’t know, or if he was just giving him time to bring it up in his own way. 

The rest of his day was spent in a bar, downing rum until he could barely see straight, trying to drown out the voices in his head. The ones that told him he was a loser. That he was worthless. The ones mocking him for all of his bad choices. Even the ones telling him he should feel ashamed for liking his brother’s girlfriend. The one reminding him he’d never be good enough.

At some point Will arrived and helped haul him back onto the ship. He woke early the next morning with the hangover from hell, and the guilt from the night before. Unable to go back to sleep, he got up and started on the day, hoping the nausea and headache would go away if he just ignored them both long enough. He spent the next few days much the same way, using work as a way to distract himself from all of his dark thoughts. 

On his last night at port, he returned to the same coffee shop, still not ready for Liam to catch sight of his new accommodations, and dialed up his brother one last time. When his brother answered, it was in a full business suit, not surprising considering Liam often wore them to work, but what did seem strange was catching sight of Emma in a tight red leather dress. 

“Sorry brother, I hate to do this given your last night in port, but I’m actually running quite late for my date right now.”

Killian gave him a small sad smile, realizing why they were both so dressed up and excused himself, but not before Emma came to the screen to say hello and wish him well. 

He went to bed that night thinking of her, or the limited conversation they’d had a few nights before. Of how easy it was to talk to her and how she just felt like a kindred spirit. He went to bed hating himself for falling for a woman he barely even knew. One that was off limits. 

For the next five months, he poured all of his time and energy into to work, doing anything he possibly could to not think of Emma Swan. To not think of how she’d feel wrapped around him, next to him in bed, of how she’d taste. Of the way he hated his brother for having what he wanted.

At some point Emma had gotten his email address from Liam and starting writing to him regularly. He was shocked the first time he saw the emails, just during a brief jaunt at a small port off of India. They were just random letters telling him little anecdotes from her day, of how much Liam missed him. Little things to tease his brother about later, like how he cried when she forced him to watch Notting Hill, or that he’d recently bought a hair dryer and diffuser to help his curls stay intact. She was amazing, and she’d never be his. He’d do very well to remember that. 

So instead, he continued to think of the ship and the crew. Anything to keep _ her _off his mind. It didn’t help that four months in Captain Hood came to him, to him to tell his recommendation for Killian’s promotion had been turned down. That given Gold’s new promotion to Admiral of the Fleet, he’d likely never get promoted. That he’d never command a ship again. 

That had sealed it. His military career as he knew it was over. He wouldn’t reenlist when his time was up. There was no point. At thirty years old, his life had completely fallen apart. And for the next two months, every night as he went to bed, he whispered to himself ‘_ another day, another dollar’ _ over and over again to help get him through.

There was little fanfare as he left the ship on that last day. He waited until Captain Hood officially released him, gathered his things and left with a quick goodbye to Will. The taxi ride from the dock to the train station was quick enough. The train ride from Portsmouth to London Heathrow wasn’t too bad either, aside from a rather stinky fellow sat two rows up. The subsequent wait for his plane to board and for his flight itself was damn near eternal though as thoughts rushed through his head. He hadn’t even told Liam that he was getting out, or that he was moving to Boston. He was too afraid.

Instead, he pulled out his computer when he arrived in Boston, jotted down the address his brother had given him when he and Belle had first bought the apartment, and handed it to the uber driver. The drive to Liam’s was lovely though. He could understand why Liam had picked such a place to live. It was old, not as old of England of course, but much of the city reminded him of where they’d grown up. It was the closest way to get a fresh start in a familiar place. 

When he pulled up to Liam’s door though, he just couldn’t bring himself to knock. Too many demons screaming at him, so he wandered around the city, pulling his small carry on suitcase and shoulder bag with him. Everything he owned in life small enough to carry on his person. He wandered around until he feet began to blister. Then he wandered into a pub for some liquid courage. All he got was drunk though, and four hours later he returned to that same red door, knocking with the gentleness of a rhinoceros.

“Killian?”

And there she was. He managed to somehow forget about her. That she lived there with his brother. That she was even more gorgeous in person in her tank top and yoga pants with her hair tossed up in a ponytail. That she was taken…

With no more thought than his rum stupered mind could give him he whispered to her that she was beautiful before planting a sloppy kiss on her lips, just before passing out, stone cold drunk in her entryway.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the conclusion of my submission to csseptembersunshine. I’m not sure how you guys are going to feel about this one. Yes, it has a happy ending for CS, but there’s a twist that no one has guessed and I’m nervous about your reactions to it….
> 
> P.S. At the behest of let-it-raines I should tell you all that no one dies and it’s not an angsty twist.

He wasn’t quite sure which was worse, being awoken by a violent shaking, or the nausea that came with it. Of course, the searing headache may have left more of an impression had his brother not been leaning over him in a strange place yelling his name. 

“Killian! What in the seven bloody seas are you doing here in my apartment passed out?”

He tried to respond, barely getting his brother’s name out of his parched mouth. 

“Oh bollocks. And you’re drunk off your arse.”

“Li-”

“Save it, I can smell the rum wafting from your pores.”

He tried to respond, but no words came out of him. He had no rebuttal. He was there, unannounced, drunk in a strange city still wearing the clothes from the day before. Liam had every right to yell. And he was well prepared to take all that Liam had to give when he heard an angelic voice speak up in his honor.

“That’s actually my fault. He and I have been planning this visit for months as a surprise for your birthday, and when he got here he was so jetlagged that he just wanted to go straight to sleep but the hotel lost his reservation and I told him he could just stay here on the couch. And he’d already had such a long trip that I insisted he have a glass of rum with me to help him sleep.”

He managed to tilt his head to take her in, her messy bun, the way the straps of her top barely covered her arms, her pink lips.

And then it all came rushing back. The bar, the multiple glasses of rum. The kiss. He felt his face heat as the thought of it, the sheer embarrassment of knowing that he’d forced himself upon a woman. Upon his brother’s live-in girlfriend.

Liam arched an eyebrow at him, looking for some form of agreement, and like the coward he was he nodded yes, hiding behind the excuse Emma gave him. Liam seemed pleased enough as he apologized for waking Killian up in such a way, causing guilt to further settle into every part of his being. 

They talked for a while, Emma excusing herself to go to bed at some point. The brothers talked about everything, Liam’s job, his mysterious girlfriend, his birthday plans for later in the week. They talked about Killian’s latest missions, they caught up on crewmen that Liam hadn’t seen in years. They talked about everything, everything except for Killian. He still couldn’t find a way to tell his brother of all of his failures.

He wasn’t a fool. He knew that eventually the truth would come out and it would be best coming from him, but he was tired, and Liam just looked so content that he couldn’t do it. 

They made it a week without it ever coming up, and Killian was thankful. Liam’s birthday came and went with tons of fanfare. All of his friends came over to the apartment to wish him well and to drink his beer. Even Belle sent him a small gift through a proxy, an olive branch of sorts. Liam seemed to feel like it was her version of closure. 

Killian also met some of Liam’s closer friends. Guys that had invested in the bar with him originally, before it became profitable enough that he was able to pay back their loans. Liam’s flaxen beauty never showed, not properly at least. Emma was there, in jeans and a sweater. He’d bit his tongue on more than one occasion as he watched them hug and flirt. When he asked his brother about officially meeting his girlfriend, Liam got a bit dodgy, telling Killian that she couldn’t be there. That she had an out of town work commitment. 

It only further cemented things in his mind, although he still couldn’t figure out why Liam was so reluctant to admit that he was dating Emma. In the week that Killian had been in Boston, they’d gotten along smashingly enough. And it’s not as if Killian judged his brother in someway from moving on from Belle. Sometimes relationships just weren’t meant to be. He and Milah being a prime example.

Although in the year since they’d split, the pain of losing her had lessened significantly. It was the embarrassment of it all that lingered. The impact that those events had on his life, they way one night had completely derailed his life plans.

Over that last week, Emma for her part never brought up the kiss, and Killian had done his best to avoid her when his brother wasn’t there. He wasn’t an animal. Controlling himself in a sober state wouldn’t be an issue, but he did have a difficult time looking at her without flushing bright red. Instead he used his brother as a buffer of sorts. 

The following day after Liam’s party, Killian nearly had a panic attack. The weight of his situation finally crushing him. He had savings, but he’d left before he could claim a pension. With no job, no income, and no life plans, it was finally time for him to come clean to Liam.

Of course, he gave his brother the redacted version. Milah never coming up in conversation. Liam knew the rumors surrounding Gold, so it wasn’t hard to explain why Killian had punched him. Although Liam was rightfully angry at Killian for losing his temper, at least he’d spared himself from having to explain the entire story. 

Emma did her best to keep Liam calm, rubbing her hand up and down his arm as she spoke to him in the kitchen. Even with hushed whispers, Killian could see the effect she had on his brother. The intimacy that they shared, and if he wasn’t so full of guilt and self loathing over everything else, it would have probably killed him.

Once Liam’s initial rage had subsided, he sat Killian down and asked about his plans for the future. Killian admitted he had none. The furthest out that he’d thought the situation thought was just getting to Boston. Liam went into a whirlwind after that, having Killian fill out an official application to work at the bar. 

He tried to resist, being a bartender wasn’t his ideal career path, but Liam was insistent, wanting to keep an eye on him like he was some sort of brute that needed a minder. Liam also wrote up a list of people that were hunting for roommates and made appointments on Killian’s behalf to see each one.

He understood his brother’s reasoning, but the entire thing was insulting. Yes, he’d made some rash decisions in his past that had led him there, but he was still a perfectly capable adult, but for some reason Liam was set on treating him as a child. 

The rest of the night was much of the same. Liam planning out the next six months of Killian’s life with Killian having zero input. When it was all over, Liam went to bed and Emma simply gave Killian a small smile, telling him that everything would work out. To just give Liam some time to process it. She even placed her hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze. It took everything he had not to just sink into her, hoping for her comfort. 

The following week was spent viewing apartments and getting acclimated to the bar. He did inventory, learned how to change kegs, and even a little about how to cook in the kitchen. It was exhausting, and each night when he arrived back at Liam’s at four in the morning after cleaning up crushed peanuts and spilled beer, he barely had enough energy to unfold the blanket on the couch before falling into a deep sleep. He was working more hours than any of the other bartenders and he was fairly certain that it was Liam’s way of filling up every spare minute he had.

_ Another day, another dollar. _

The apartment hunting had been horrible. On one particularly slow night at the bar, Liam and Emma stopped in to grab a drink and ask how he’d like the paces he’d seen. When he told them about the first guy, one of the smaller microbrewers Liam purchased from, they refused to believe him when he told them about the sheer volume of collectables everywhere. 

The entire living room was filled with hats. Hundreds of hats, all in different styles and colors. They covered every inch of the wall. There were special hat stands on the tables, and Jefferson had told him one of the ground rules was no beverages outside of the kitchen because he didn’t want his collection harmed. And to make matters worse, the entire dining room had been set up for a tea party, that no one ever had. It was all decorative, and unusable. And when Killian picked up one of the small cake plates to look at the pattern, the man flew into a rage and kicked him out.

The second guy, a second year resident had detailed diagrams of the female anatomy hung up all around the apartment. When Killian asked about it, Victor got a gleam in his eye. The whole thing left Killian feeling dirty and he had the impression that Victor’s decision to go into gynecology was not because he cared about women’s health, but because he was just the worlds biggest sleaze.

The last interview had been that morning, and the most normal by far, aside from the inhabitants generally cleanliness, or lack thereof. It was something he could handle though. Although, the idea of living with a woman was slightly foreign to him. He’d spent years living in tight confines with nothing but men. He’d stayed in Liam’s apartment for two weeks with Emma, but Liam was always there. Never just the two of them. 

“So, roomie, did you tell ‘em yet?”

Killian felt his face warm as shock set in on Liam and Emma’s faces. 

“I was just about to- roomie.”

Liam looked pleased as pie, but Emma nearly choked on the ice in her drink. Killian might have wondered if her reaction meant something, but he was too focused on the way Liam’s hand rubbed circles on her back, soothing her from her coughing fit. 

The four of them spoke for a few more minutes, settling on a move-in date, before a group of women came in and Killian moved to the other side of the bar to attend to them. When he came back, Ruby told him that Liam and Emma had to leave and wanted her to tell him congratulations. 

When he got home that night they were both asleep, and when he woke the next morning, they’d both left for work already. He moved out later that morning, still only lugging around a small rolling suitcase and his shoulder bag. Liam had gifted him a few new shirts, but everything he owned still fit in just those two bags. 

Ruby’s apartment was near the bar, another plus, but one of the only few upsides to living with her. He’d come to find over the month that he’d been living there that Ruby’s sexual appetite was insatiable. Even on the nights that she worked, she still somehow managed to find a bar straggler to bring home. There were mornings where he’d walk in on a man in the kitchen, wearing nothing more than god gave him. Some mornings it was a strange woman in slinky lingerie. Ruby apparently didn’t discriminate when it came to the human body.

And he was always tired. He never gave thought to the type of insulation in the walls when he was searching for an apartment, but a month later, he learned just how important it was, as he learned the hard way how loud his roommate’s cries of passion could be. It kept him up at night. 

The  _ only _ other perk to living there, was that he’d managed to recapture some form of friendship with Emma. He’d thought about her often enough in those first few weeks. About the smell of her perfume, even after she’d been at work all day. About the way her face glowed when she first woke up, make-up free. About the way her chest heaved out as she stretched before her morning runs. Of course that last thought was an unfortunate side effect of hearing Ruby’s “Oh god” screams.

As the month went on, his thoughts became more lurid. He’d think of her as he carressed himself to sleep at night. Imagining that it was her making those noises. It was still an awful idea, she was dating his brother, but somehow, living in a different building had allowed his brain to rationalize it.

But around the second week, just as Killian was spent and near sleep, he heard his phone go off. He’d ignored it at first, opting to dream of Emma rather than hear someone from the bar beg him to pick up their shift. But when it went off two more times though, he begrudgingly grabbed the phone from under his pillow, ready to tell off whoever was text him, until he saw  _ her _ name.

_ Hope everything is going well. _

_ We should all get dinner one night when you have some free time. _

_ This is Emma by the way. _

He texted her back right away, thanking her for checking on him. They texted for a few more minutes before she had to get back to whatever case she was up late working on.

They texted again the next night, and the one after that. Eventually they started texting during the day time as well, sending each other memes and gifs. Making fun of Liam. He’d sent her a picture of Liam covered in beer one night as a keg exploded on him. 

At one point, they’d both been a little drunk after a night out with Liam and some other coworkers during their annual christmas party. Liam had gone to bed already and Emma swore she was too wired to go to sleep. Their texts started off innocent enough, but with an ill placed line of innuendo, it took a turn, and suddenly things heated up. Even with the rum coursing through his blood, slowing his responses, he still knew what they were doing was wrong. That he shouldn’t have joked about wanting a picture of her, and that she never should have reciprocated, asking for one of him after his shower. 

And he knew that sending her one of him, with a towel around his hips and water beads still falling down his chest was a bad idea. Even as his thumb hit send. But in that moment, it wasn’t only the rum that had him intoxicated.

When the morning came, guilt weaved its way into every fiber of his being. He’d essentially sexted his brother’s girlfriend. He was gutter trash in the worst of ways, but that morning, she’d texted him again as if nothing had ever happened. Part of him felt horrible for his brother, that he was with a woman that placed such little value on loyalty and monogamy. But the other part of him was elated and he couldn’t decide which part to let win out.

They continued on that way for weeks, months even. Their relationship never escalated the way it had that one night, but they still became closer in a way. He learned that the yellow bug she drove was stolen, a youthful indiscretion that she eventually made right. He learned that her favorite cupcake flavor was vanilla, but she preferred rocky road ice cream from a little place near the station. He told her about Milah, making her promise not to tell Liam. He told her about why he really hit Gold, feeling the weight lift from his shoulders. He told her about the demotion and humiliation. She didn’t judge him or scold him the way he’d expected. She just listened and let him open up in his own time. 

Everyday they texted he fell more and more in love with her. And everything was great, until it wasn’t. Until one night Ruby came home crying after learning that he boyfriend of two months had been cheating on her the entire time. After listening to her talk about the pain she was in, the humiliation she felt, the betrayal. It was all too much, hitting too close to home. 

He and Emma may not have ever revisited the pictures, they’d never spoken about that kiss his first night in Boston, and they’d never done anything physical, but they’d had an affair in a way. An emotional one, and the idea of hurting Liam the way Ruby had been hurt was just too much.

When Emma texted him that night, he ignored her. When she texted the next morning he did the same, and later that night he finally just blocked her number. It was painful, and killed him to do so, but he needed to end it before anyone got hurt. Before he fell so hard in love with her that he’d never be able to dig his way back out of the hole.

They didn’t speak for four months. Emma stopped coming around the bar with Liam on his off days. Liam still talked about her so Killian knew they were still together. He missed her, but it was for the best. Instead, he tried to get on with his life.

He tried dating, but only the once. The whole experience was just so awful, and not that he’d been a fan of vegan food before, but after listening to Tink drone on about how much better of a person she was for eating it, he came to loathe the stuff. And the pixie herself. 

After that, he just gave up on the whole idea of dating. He gave up on women in general, even choosing to toss out a letter from Milah without ever bothering to open it. Instead, he threw himself into work. Bartending wasn’t his dream job still, but it was all he had.

_ Another day, another dollar. _

But as life went on, the loneliness set in. He watched as Ruby met someone new, a woman that genuinely seemed to love and cherish her. He watched as Ruby spent fewer and fewer nights at home in favor of Dorthy’s place. He watched as the fridge became more of a beverage cart than a food cooler. 

He watched as Liam took him ring shopping for his still not-so-mysterious girlfriend. He watched as Liam found  _ the _ ring. He watched as Liam picked the date and made a dinner reservation. He watched as his life fell apart again.

And because life always had a way of kicking him when he was at his lowest, he was also forced to watch, on the night Liam had planned to propose, as Emma stood on the corner of a seedy street in downtown Boston, dressed in a mini skirt that barely covered her hind-end, as she leaned forward caressing the face of a man that was decidedly not Liam. 

His initial reaction was not to believe it, to tell himself that he was wrong. To remind himself that she wasn’t the only blonde in the world. But as he walked closer, and her face came into perfect focus, he couldn’t deny it. It was her.

In retrospect, he should have just left. She wasn’t his problem anymore. He’d made sure of that months before. But something in him snapped and he walked towards her, screaming her name in obvious rage. 

“Shit.” He barely heard it, dulled by the street noise around them, but she knew that she’d been caught.

Before he knew it, she was on him, whispering for him to stay quiet and follow her, letting her drag him into a car against his better judgement. As soon as the car door closed, she turned on him, just as he was ready to lay into her, but she put her hand up, silencing him instead.

“No, Graham, stop and listen.” He watched, vexxed as she nodded to herself. “I promise, he’s not a john. He’s just a friend and I didn’t want him to blow my cover. Ya, ya, I know. I’ll be right there.”

Something in her eyes softened as she continued.

“Killian I know you have questions, but right now I need you to just go home. I’ll explain everything later, okay? Just- go home.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond before hopping out of the car, pulling her skirt down a little. He was completely confused, and in his is fog, did exactly as she asked. He didn’t even bother picking up the thai food he’d ordered, the whole reason he’d even been walking on that block. Instead, he turned around and went right back up to his fourth story walk up, back to an empty apartment.

As he waited, he thought of Liam, wondering if she’d even bother to show at the restaurant, or if she’d just turned him down instead. His brother would be crushed either way. 

He also wondered if she’d been with other men during their late night texting sessions. Had she been waiting until she was sure they were asleep before she left, just using him to kill time?

Had she ever even cared about either of them?

The longer he waited, the more his thoughts raced, and the angrier he got. By the time he heard a knock on the door, he was in a full rage, letting her have the full force of his wrath. He called her a whore among other things, but no matter what he said, what horrible insult he threw at her, she stood her ground, never wavering.

“Are you done?”

He was panting by the time he’d said everything he wanted. He could only nod.

“I’m going to say this very calmly and I’d like for you to listen until the end and not interrupt me.” He nodded again and she continued. “I don’t know what Liam’s told you about my past, but I had a crappy childhood, and I was on my own for most of it. I made a lot of mistakes, and I’ve paid for them. I also made a lot of bad decisions when it came to men, most recently in the form of a man named Walsh, who unbeknownst to me, was dealing in stolen imports.”

Emma walked around the room, not speaking for a moment. He could see her eyes becoming more glossy, but no tears fell. Eventually she settled on the couch and motioned for him to join her.

“I tried to explain to my chief that I didn’t know about it, but it wasn’t enough. In his mind, I either knew and was helping to cover for Walsh, or I really didn’t know and that made me a shit detective. So he fired me. That’s why I came to Boston. I needed a fresh start, but when I got here, the only open position was in vice. It’s humiliating playing a prostitute night after night, dressing in these skimpy clothes, but it is what it is.”

He was stunned. In all of the scenarios he’d played through his head since he’d left her on that street corner, vice cop had never once crossed his mind.

“So those guys from tonight?”

“The newest residents of the Boston city jail.”

“And Liam is okay with this?”

“Honestly, not really. But oddly enough he was the one that told me to stick with it. That I have to bide my time and prove myself, and hopefully when another position opens up for a detective in another unit, I’ll be able to transfer.. What is it he always says? ‘Another day, another dollar’ or something like that.”

Everything she said made sense, but it still didn’t explain why even now she wasn’t wearing Liam’s ring. When he asked her about it,  _ about them _ , she said that it would be easier to just show him than to explain everything. The two of them sat in silence as she drove them to a brownstone in a more affluent neighborhood than either of them could afford. She effortlessly paralleled parked in front of one of the stoops, killed the engine before getting out, waiting for him to join her on the stairs before knocking.

It was late, too late, and when the porch light turned on, Killian was sure the homeowner was probably going to shoot them both for waking them up in the middle of the night. But that didn’t happen. Instead, a blonde woman in a robe answered the door, calling to Emma in concern.”

“Emma, is everything alright?”

She fussed over Emma as she pulled her inside, Killian following closely behind them.

“I’m fine, really. Killian just needed to talk to his brother, and I thought it was time that he finally met the woman that was going to be his new sister.”

Killian was stunned for the second time that night, but as he looked at her, he couldn’t help but realize she was just as Liam had described in his early emails. Pale skin, flaxen hair. Blue eyes. And it was evident that she was a kind soul.

“Ingrid, love, what’s going on?”

The shock on Liam’s face as he saw Killian standing there in their in the entryway was obvious. Emma and Ingrid excused themselves to let the brother’s talk. As it turned out, Ingrid had been one of Emma’s foster mothers when Emma was a teenager. Emma ended up running away, one of the poor decisions she’d mentioned earlier, but Emma thought of her often and once she got to Boston, she looked her up and reforged their relationship. Eventually Emma introduced her to Liam and he was struck by her beauty, even if she was slightly older. They had a lot in common, and while Liam was still on the fence about children, Ingrid assured him that she’d already been through that part of her life and would be fine with whatever he decided. They could live their lives out, just the two of them, or they could adopt if he changed his mind. Before Liam knew it, they’d fallen in love. 

Killian felt like a fool, and excused himself as soon as possible, leaving the newly engaged couple to themselves. Emma soon followed him and they got in her car, heading back towards their side of town. She was quiet, giving him time to think things over. The entire thing had been one huge misunderstanding. Liam and Emma were never dating. 

“So Liam and your mom.”

“Foster mom, and yes.”

“And you’re okay with that?”

“Admittedly is was weird at first, maybe still is a little but they both seem really happy and I guess that’s what truly matters.”

He nodded and the silence settled back in until they arrived to his apartment again. He wasn’t really sure what to say, but he knew he needed to apologize for how he’d reacted so he invited her up for a night cap. Neither spoke as they walked upstairs, or even as he poured her a generous tumblr of rum. 

It wasn’t until he finally took a sip that she spoke up.

“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? Because you thought I was with Liam?”

He nearly spit the rum out all over her. After some backtracking and a lame attempt at saving face, he admitted that he thought that they were dating, even when he was still in the Navy based on Liam’s descriptions. That Liam was just hiding the fact that they were together in case it didn’t work out for some reason. 

It only led to more questions.  _ Why did you flirt with me then? Why did you kiss me? When did you send me that picture if you thought I was with your brother? _ Eventually he had to admit that while he knew it was wrong, he’d gotten to know her, and had fallen for her. That against his better judgment, he couldn’t get her off his mind and he’d spent the last year wishing she was his instead.

After they’d both cleared the air, gotten everything out in the open, there was nothing left to say. All that was left was action, as Killian pulled her with him into his room, finally turning his fantasies into reality.

And six months later when Liam wed Ingrid and subsequently moved in with her, Killian took the leap and moved in with Emma. 

_ Another day, another dollar. _

A poor man’s mantra. A poor man, yes, but a happy one too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had some people (or just one person repeatedly) send me anon hate on tumblr about Ingrid. So just to clarify, in real life the actors are only 4 years apart in age. They actually share a birthday oddly enough. For me, it seemed like this version on Liam would have more in common with Ingrid than Elsa. I'm not sure when it became the fandom standard that Liam had to either be with Belle or Elsa, since Liam never had scenes with either of them, but that's not the be all, end all of fanfic pairings.


End file.
